Becoming a Mom at 16 | My Plus Size Birth Story
Motherhood When You’re Completely Unprepared
If you are pregnant and looking to surround yourself with positive birth stories, you may want to read this after you have given birth. This story does have a happy ending but the journey to getting there is not a positive one.
If I had to use one word to define my first birth, it would be unprepared. I was a teen mom, giving birth to my son just before I turned 17. While I had attended the hospital-based prenatal classes for teen parents, I know now that the classes were very "surface level." I was introduced to types of pain relief and given information on what pitocin (synthetic oxytocin) is, however, there was no discussion about the potential benefits, risks or alternatives to having any of those interventions. They also didn’t discuss when such recommendations would be made or when/how someone could exercise informed choice. Membrane sweeps were not discussed, nor was the “cascade of interventions-” how one intervention is more likely to lead to another and another.
With no supportive partner, I attended these classes alone and gathered as much information as my already-stressed out brain could handle. My parents were unable to attend so they did not know what information I was being given one way or the other. By the end of my classes I decided I wanted to have a birth with few interventions and with no pain relief, if possible. I told my mom I wanted a “natural birth” like she had. I thought if she could have five babies without pain relief, I could too.
Contractions slowly began at 1 am. The first thing I did, and what I regret now, is going to the hospital so soon. I had contractions for maybe an hour and they were very mild. I did not time them but went into the hospital anyway because although I was a bit anxious, I was also excited to meet my baby. I made the mistake of assuming that because the hospital staff heard I wanted an unmedicated birth that they would help me achieve that. While some nurses were supportive, for the most part I was encouraged to lie in bed and be continuously monitored although there was no medical reason for either.
I did get out of the bed to take a long shower, walk the halls of the hospital and sat on the bed upright for awhile. I had several vaginal exams and was told I was "only 3 cm dilated" and that things were taking longer than the hospital staff liked. During all of this time my baby and I were doing really, really well- no need for concern at all. **I knew this at the time and when I later requested my medical notes, there was no medical issues of any kind indicated. Despite this, I felt pressured like I had to somehow will my body to labor more quickly.
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Let’s be clear. Many hospitals have protocols which promote active management of labor, where it is expected that parents dilate at the rate of 1 cm per hour. This may or may not be what a parent wants, as research has shown it increases the likelihood of having further interventions. This expectation is now considered outdated (the World Health Organization has been particularly vocal about this) and no longer recommended. The latest research has shown that women’s labors are as unique as they are. Some women labor for days and others for only a couple hours (or less!). The expectation that ALL women should dilate at 1 cm an hour is flawed and at its worst, can put moms and babies in danger when unnecessary interventions with real potential consequences are suggested for no medical reason.
I didn’t realize just how long a first labor could take at sixteen years old. I was ignorant to the fact that the less dilated you are when you arrive in hospital, the more likely you are to have a cesarean birth! (Research here) I was ill prepared in having to advocate for myself and back then birth preferences were unheard of! My labor was attended by my mom and sisters. While having them there for support was great, none of them knew enough about my unique wishes to support me fully. In hindsight, what I really needed was a birth doula!
After being pressured by medical staff for fifteen hours, they suggested and I “consented” to a pitocin (aka syntocin) drip. Again, nothing was explained to me. I was told my contractions would come on more quickly but I was not told any risks of use- like hyperstimulation of the uterus, my baby possibly going into distress, a higher risk of perineal tearing, a higher risk of postnatal depression, etc. My manageable contractions soon turned into what I call “monster contractions.”
Although I originally did not want pain relief, I turned to it because I simply couldn’t cope with what was happening to my body so quickly. I started crying because things were spinning out of control and headed in a direction I didn’t want. All the while nothing was being explained to me! The nubain (narcotic pain relief similar to pethidine) was put into my IV and instead of it helping with the pain, it barely took the edge off. To make matters worse, it also made me incredibly high so I found it difficult to focus and remember the rest of my labor. Most of my birth story is fragmented moments that I have managed to piece together with the help of my family who were with me.
At one point it became clear that my uterus was being hyperstimulated, which means my uterus was contracting too much. Both myself and my baby were having to endure contractions that were more intense, more frequent and with fewer breaks in between. This is why some parents turn to pain relief and why babies can become distressed in the womb. For me, I went from 4 to 10 cm dilated and pushing in an hour. Considering the slow start to my labor, there’s no way I think my body would have dilated that quickly and intensely on its own. I remember pushing while on my back and finding it really challenging. I wish I had known pushing off my back was an option!
As my body was involuntarily pushing (which is normal), the nurses had to page the doctor on call for the evening. They kept telling me NOT to push. I remember thinking “Are you f*cking kidding me!?” They cranked up the Pitocin to speed up my labor in such an aggressive way and now they wanted me to STOP my body from pushing somehow!? That obstetrician definitely wanted to get his paycheck for the night! The doctor walked in, I was annoyed and told him “hurry up please!?” These are the bits and pieces I can remember but again, I was high off my head after one administration of nubain.
My son was born at 6:50 pm on the 22nd Dec. To this day I still think his “real” birthday should have been the 23rd. Had I stayed home longer, been left alone to labor at my own pace in the hospital and without constant interruptions and pressure, I think the pitocin would have been completely unnecessary. Its use wasn’t medically indicated, I wasn’t given information to consent fully and those aspects of my birth will always bother me. If I didn’t have the pitocin, would I have needed the nubain? The nubain is what blurs my birth and stole the memory of my son being born from me. I remained feeling high for hours once he arrived, which is also unpleasant and heartbreaking. Some of the first pictures of my son and I together are still difficult for me to look at.
While this birth story isn’t the most high-intervention out there… it was still very negative for me. This experience taught me that medical professionals don’t always know what is right FOR YOU! I was a young mother so perhaps that’s why the medical staff treated me how they did. When I walked away from this birth, the feelings of “what just happened?” rushed over me. It felt like things were happening to me instead of being involved and informed in my own care. Things went down a path that I wasn’t anticipating and I didn’t know how to handle it- and I had no experienced person to support me. I wish I had the words or the knowledge that I do now. My son was born happy and healthy but that doesn’t discredit the fact that my experience is something I look back on with disappointment. It is also true that this first negative experience is why I hired a birth doula for my second labor!
I am thankful that my following four births were when I was older, more educated, prepared and when I had a supportive partner by my side. Don’t underestimate the importance of feeling prepared and confident as your baby’s estimated birth date nears! While my first birth story is negative, I hope anyone reading this understands that you can absolutely have a positive experience, no matter what direction your labor takes!
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